Deja Voo

6 years ago I took my eldest, Dudie to his first school interview to gain placement and acceptance into our school family and Parish. Today I held my daughter's hand, walked into the school and saw my daughter leaving my much protecting embrace with her first steps into the 'real world' away from my protection.

We all hold our children close, comfort them when they need some strength, love and support. They are piece of us...little fragments of our soul's broken from us to grow and flourish from the warmth, guidance and knowledge given to them. Sitting whilst watching Bowreguard write her name, draw herself (in no other colour but pink) and confidently chattered with the lovely Lady who had been there for us on so many occasions...my heart swell with pride but also weep with sadness. The same sadness it felt when my grasp was loosened on Dudie.

Even now, I still look at Dudie and see the little blue eyed boy that people would stop me in the street to gaze at him lovingly and make small chatter just to catch his contagious smile. The little 9 month old who made people stop and watch in amazement as he walked proudly in the shopping centre. Same little boy who would sneak into his baby brothers room to have me find them both cuddled in bed together, sound asleep.
Mario's interview into school was more like a visit to the doctor's...very sterile, factual and quick due to his closed world. I don't have many nice memories of him little....his toddler hood was painful, and the bad times very much did scared any happy moments.

Question's were asked in relation to what Bowreguard liked etc...then THE question...does your child have ANY special needs or have you any worries about behaviours.... Even after say no.. it was asked again. First reaction was to say yes...Ive been saying it for so long for both boys that its become second nature...but I actually sat back, in the chair.....flashes of tantrums, yelling, flying objects and moaning twisting through my head.....a smile formed on my lips to were I sat forward and said No and giggled lightly afterwards as if Id said a naughty word.

Sadly before I know it...I'll be feeling the same lumps and bumps in my throat as Tank enters the real world and I watch them all slowly grow into the parents of my grandchildren.