Holiday by the sea

Living inland, our children think that seeing the ocean is better then winning a million dollars. But you can imagine how expensive it is with 6 of us to find some were to fit us in let alone have it be safe for Mario and Tank so Man of the house and I don't have to watch them 24/7.
We were given an opportunity, via our Career support - Villa Maria to stay, 2 min's walk from the beach in a lovely big house..paid via funding.

We spent 4 glorious days at Rosebud, were we ate fresh fish and chips, made sand castles and sand angels at the sea's edge. Mario found a star fish and lovely chased Dudie, who was screaming louder then mini me up the beach with it. Mario decided that this star fish would be his new 'pet' and took him to the house ever so lovingly.....sadly little star lacked water and was found the next morning quiet alot smaller then he originally was.

Sadly today I was informed by our case worker that the houses were being sold off by the main branch. I felt a little twig break in my heart. The 4 days we spent away for us were so much and badly needed by us. Our live are extremely busy as we both work, I do therapy with Tank still at this stage, every day and the ups and downs of school life with Mario let alone my other 2 gorgeous children. Being there was like waking up on Christmas day for 4 days for my babies. We woke to the sounds of sea gull's, crossed the road to the local stores for fresh fruit and vegetables and little bargain shops. Walked for miles with sand in our toes.
We bought a kite and watched Dudie joyfully fly it for hours on end. Collected so many shell's on our many many trips up and down the beach. Laughed, cuddled, talked and shared every precious moment together, just us....happy. No therapy, no worrying about the little things we normally have to with the boys. It was utter bliss.
One high light for the amigo's was having our gorgeous Raven come and visit us for a few hours taking photo's and capturing us, in the moment with her magic eye and lense. I will be looking back at those photo's with so many fond memories and now a little sadness, that other people, who need what we had for those 4 days are now going to miss out on

.
Villa Maria.....thank you for giving us a little escape from the madness and filling up our hearts with the joy we felt then.

Your generosity and help is something we are forever grateful for.

Family photo taken by - Samantha Jayne Photography - http://samanthajaynephotography.com.au/blog/

Our Forever Friend

This week we have been a family in mourning.

After 8 years of friendship, unconditional love and cuddles we lost a valued member of our family. Our beloved Shrek was found, beneath his favourite tree, curled up forever sleeping.



Shrek was such a big part of our family. He was our councillor when we needed someone who wouldn't judge us, our priest to listen to our confessions, sitting nurse when someone was sick and best of all he was our much loved friend.

He found us. One morning there was a cat at the front, I gave it some milk and tuna to eat and he never left. He attached himself to us immediately and followed Dudie like he was his shadow. When Mario had bad days, he was there to help settle him. As our family grew, Shrek would sit and almost cuddle my expanding tummy. When Mini me and Tank were newborn, he sat guard beneath their bassinet...as they grew into their new rooms, he sat at the bedroom door like a guard dog. He was the 5th child in the family and was always playing between the kids outside or sitting on them on the couch....he even sat under the table waiting for food to fall at dinner time. Shower and bath time involved him being in the room with us as well.

I am forever thankful for the times that you seemed to click that one of our amigo's was sick...especially Mario and Tank. If either of them was having a bad day you were there to sooth them, you had this way about you that calmed them and settled a bad situation. You were my knight in shining amour in those times. You often came looking for me when I hide myself to have a cry and would nudge me with your big butt head and purr........oh how I wish you could find me now.

Mario screamed at your grave as we said our goodbyes. He wanted you to wake up and get out of the hole. I havent heard him scream like that since he was 4. Tank finally said your name and my heart jumped into my throat. Dudie had no words, the tears streaming down his face were enough. Mini me sat the day after, singing to you...you remember how much she loved doing that while trying to put what short hair you had in a clip or 3. Man of the house has no words, he mourns you in slience.

I will forever miss seeing you waiting beneath the letter box for us to come home and watching your backside slowly strut up the driveway in front of us. I will miss hearing the doorbell being rung by you wanting to come in for the night and hearing you open the sliding door to get a drink from the en suite. I wont be able to play which babies bed is Shrek sharing tonight.....all we have now is memories and that sinking feeling knowing life will never be the same, with out you.

Thank you Shrek for all you gave to us. I hope you realised how loved and missed you are.
xxx

Deja Voo

6 years ago I took my eldest, Dudie to his first school interview to gain placement and acceptance into our school family and Parish. Today I held my daughter's hand, walked into the school and saw my daughter leaving my much protecting embrace with her first steps into the 'real world' away from my protection.

We all hold our children close, comfort them when they need some strength, love and support. They are piece of us...little fragments of our soul's broken from us to grow and flourish from the warmth, guidance and knowledge given to them. Sitting whilst watching Bowreguard write her name, draw herself (in no other colour but pink) and confidently chattered with the lovely Lady who had been there for us on so many occasions...my heart swell with pride but also weep with sadness. The same sadness it felt when my grasp was loosened on Dudie.

Even now, I still look at Dudie and see the little blue eyed boy that people would stop me in the street to gaze at him lovingly and make small chatter just to catch his contagious smile. The little 9 month old who made people stop and watch in amazement as he walked proudly in the shopping centre. Same little boy who would sneak into his baby brothers room to have me find them both cuddled in bed together, sound asleep.
Mario's interview into school was more like a visit to the doctor's...very sterile, factual and quick due to his closed world. I don't have many nice memories of him little....his toddler hood was painful, and the bad times very much did scared any happy moments.

Question's were asked in relation to what Bowreguard liked etc...then THE question...does your child have ANY special needs or have you any worries about behaviours.... Even after say no.. it was asked again. First reaction was to say yes...Ive been saying it for so long for both boys that its become second nature...but I actually sat back, in the chair.....flashes of tantrums, yelling, flying objects and moaning twisting through my head.....a smile formed on my lips to were I sat forward and said No and giggled lightly afterwards as if Id said a naughty word.

Sadly before I know it...I'll be feeling the same lumps and bumps in my throat as Tank enters the real world and I watch them all slowly grow into the parents of my grandchildren.

Moment to reflect

I often have people ask me 'you must have why me moments' the times when you feel sorry for yourself and the life you have in front of you with your children.
Admittedly I do have moments of sadness, were I fall into a big dark hole or depression..buts its not in pity for me, my feelings or life. I am whole, I have no physical disabilities bar my weight, my mind is sane although sometimes I wonder lol, I am able to communicate easily with others and find talking to new people easy.
I can walk down the street without having to count how many step's I take to get to my destination. Without fear of a person coming near me with a dog, no matter how small that may touch me. My ears don't have to have my hands cover them as a truck passes me as the noise sends chill's through my body.

Some days can be spent with an argumentative 9yo who cant be pleased....others with a 3yo who screams for hours on end as if I'm beating him with a hot poker. I often sit with them, holding them, rocking back and forth until they are calm which can take up to an hour all for a sound, action from the other children or nothing can set them back into what got them in the state prior.

I don't have why my moments.....I have what if ones.

After successfully falling pregnant and birthing our darling Bowreguard back in 2006 that Man of the house and I decided we'd love to add to our beautiful family. After a blink of an eye were excitingly expecting again. I suffered extreme morning sickness, as I always did but this was worse then I had with my prior babies....sadly at 9 weeks I was admitted to hospital as bleeding had began and an ultrasound had confirmed that we had in fact miscarried not one but two angels. We have suffered them before but loosing our twins broke off a piece of our heart.
Dudie was just as mortified as us and so we decided as a family that we would name our precious darlings and erect a garden in their memory.
I often wonder what their little faces would have looked like, what their voices would have sounded like and how loved their brothers and sister would have made them feel.
I wonder what if our darlings would have stayed with us if Tank would be with us now? What would have been their obstacles, would they have had autism or cerebral palsy? Would my little Tank have to have fought as much as he did in his first year of life?

I spent the afternoon in the twins garden today, cleaning it up, crying in my slobbery state, snot and all. They are my first view in the morning when I open my bedroom window and I blow them a kiss goodnight when I close them. Its been 4 years and I still miss them every day.

I am truly thankful for my children, for the lessons, patients and respect they have taught me.
For the unconditional love we share and the laughter that echo's in my heart because of them.

They are not just my children, they are my friends.

In memory of Sunni and Willow who's family will never stop loving them

...Food....glorious food.......

Those of you with children on the spectrum know how testing it is to get your kids to eat, let alone eat healthy. It does my friggen head in to be honest!

Mario has NEVER eaten fruit..nope...never. He's tried it, spewed and gone of his nut that bad that I never wanted to try it again. Don't sit there now and think, come one you didn't try hard enough...you have no idea how many tears, how many times I have yelled, begged and cried asking him to eat...Ive tried closing his nose so his mouth opens, bribery...its just doesn't work.

His eating habit's tend to stick to the 'white' foods...eg pasta - chicken - fish - cauliflower - potato - eggs - cheese. They need to be bland, not mixed together or with each other, no sauce. Nope just plain and boring. He did LOVE chocolate and when I asked our Pead about it he laughed and said it was quiet common as chocolate contains iron and its what he lacks due to his diet. Pentivite was bought and we had a little help for a while.

Another favourite was MacDonald's...I caved one day due to the screaming...you have no idea how much the screaming of a kid on the edge sounds....especially after 2 hours of it. You do ANYTHING to make it stop. I drove to MacDonald's and it was like a switch!!! BUT the problem I had then was that every time we drove past MacDonald's the screaming started again if we didn't get him his bloody fries!! Years ago my sister in law organised a birthday party at MacDonald's for her son...she helped us map out a way to it (2 hours drive) so we didn't have to drive past one...I loved her for ever for it.

Over the last few years we have welcomed broccoli into our diet, along with carrot (as long as its cut Julianne style) and the occasional corn on the cob.

3 weeks ago Mario decided he liked the look of the fettuccine carbonara I had made...and ate a bowl full...OMG I cant tell you how dame excited we were....he actually ate mushroom AND SAUCE..a HUGE step for us.

Tonight The J man and I were in tears. I had made the usual 2 different meals....yes I cook 2 different meals EVERY night for my family.....but tonight Mario asked for the cannelloni....had a taste and promptly ate 3 servings of it. Whilst eating it Mario asked what was in it, to which I told him everything and he came back with...wooo hooo I'm like Popeye now.
I honestly cant tell you how much I want to rain out into the street screaming that my boy is eating something he would have flipped out about 6 months ago...its such a high to be on after years of cooking him the same food over and over and having him detest new foods.
All I can say to those who are in the same boat, never give up...one day the light bulb will be changed and it might just light up ♥

Milk...moooo mooooo

Its been a flat out road last 6 weeks...so many things have blown over my head and yet here we are - June and I cant tell you why I sat in the doorway in the hall way and cried my eyes out last week let alone tell you what was for tea last night.

Tank has started swimming lessons....yay great...NOPE!
Mario was a water freak, LOVED it...so me being a clever dick thought she saw the same 'traits' forming in Tank and smartly booked in for swimming lessons for the little man..Second thought this clever dick concocted was that it might help Tank with his Cerebal Palsey as he has noticed that he was tripping more lately and getting frustrated and his body so the movement in the water would be fabulous for his muscles.....only problem was that I needed both for it to be effective for either.

Tank saw the water and clung to me like a tight wet t-shirt. He screamed when the swimming instructor took him out of my arms and up and down the pool. Click, light bulb moment, I signed to him ok and happy. Teacher looked at me and smiled...Tank settled. Used wait, finished and sit signs later on and the teacher asked me what they were so she could use them.

WOO HOO...bingo...tank started liking swimming as off last week :)

Yes, we sign to our guy's...its easier in a crowd were the words get swallowed up and eye contact hits the wrong person. Hand move, catch your eye and are so much louder in saying something then anything else on this planet.

Signing has become a third language in our house.

Its been our savour!

It can totally make your day....take for instance if I am making a milo for the amigo's I ask for someone to get the milk from the fridge and make the sign (which look's like your milking a cow)...not to long ago I got out of the shower and Tank was standing there, with the J man chatting.......and one look at my 'girls' and Tank starts saying mmmmmooooooooo (as in cow) and starts doing the 'milk' sign. He then did it out shopping at another mum breast feeding the next day.

Its funny yes, and cute...and your probably chuckling...

but for me I felt like jumping mountains, for me it was more then him doing the sign for milk and mooing....it was that my little man understood that milk comes from cow's...that we mum's give our babies milk. He understood fully that milk came from more then the fridge, something that a 'normal' child would know. It made the me forget about the screaming he had done for hours on end today, the hitting he placed upon me, the throwing of his toys at his siblings.......its all flew away, out the window, even now, thinking about how awesome that my son knows and has communicated it to me.

To often I feel like we forget the little stuff, we take so much for granted that we forget to take the time to enjoy watching cloud's move quickly, the joy of a breeze hitting a small child's face and how much our children really so take in what we say

♥ to you my little Tank..you totally inspire me to be a better mum every day, even when you scream no at me over and over for hours on end.....your smile and love makes it all fade away.

Id like to share this link with you all now.

http://www.autismsupportnetwork.com/news/beware-mask-syndrome-autism-332341

Before you go judging a mum of a child for not being social and cutting her self off, have a read and you might realise its something bigger then they thought

with a sky full of sunshine and ♥ to you all

Toilet training has come to town

Tank has been wanting to use the toilet. Fan fair parade please!!!!! With his lack of language he has acknowledged that wee's and poo's get done in the little room... well most of the time. It started sunday when he ran out into the living area, clutching one dimply butt screaming...yep screaming loud and clear for all to hear.....we were able to direct him in between breath's to the toilet were he sat, puzzled to the movement whilst red in the face due to pushing. His screams were replaced by grunts....and then laughter as the result's splashed in the toilet.....ohhhhhhhh. Sigh of relief and disappointment followed as there would be no more splashing for the day to be had. One wet accident all day WOOOOOOO HOOOOOO! Yesterday was...um eventful to say the least. After a cruddy nights sleep with tank, who decided 3am was morning and a phone call from my mum informing me of my aunty's passing, I really wasn't in a fab mood to say the least. Tank decided that today's poo was to be done in the driveway right behind the 'brmmmmmm'. Removal of said poo was done by me holding my nose at stench and Tank screaming 'NOOOOOOO' as I was removing his precious nugget to a newer...um environment. Weeing on the laundry floor and then putting gumboots to splash about in it is not my idea of a fun time either.....thankfully our bathroom reno's are complete and splash friendly, share my bodily fluids boy was popped into the bath as I cleaned up. I should be thankful...last week Tank presented himself to me with poo smeared all over his legs, t-shirt and hands...I didn't realise though, until he reached up and grabbed each side of my face to plant an....'ahhhhhh mum' kiss on me.....gag much...I think there was follow through on my end.

Please insert brain into head

First day of Autism Awareness month and who has the melt down.........ME!!!!

After a week of crap and madness I was the one who flipped my lid tonight and over what.....Mario sitting playing with lego instead of doing task I had asked off him.

For 2 weeks I have begged, pleaded and begged some more for Mario to keep his desk clean. Today I proudly found a set of red draws for his pencils ect for on his desk. Proud as Mario's favourite colour is red and the draws would be a much loved addition to his desk. I walk in after asking him for the 100th time to clean his desk which is a mass of recyclable rubbish, lego, books, paper and did I mention lego, to him sitting, playing lego *insert roll eyes and stomp feet here*.

I yelled at him, loosing the plot and he stood there and shrugged his shoulders and 'um I don't know' so...me, maz flip's and helps him clean......by taking my big fat, bingo flapping arms and with one big swoop push it all onto the floor whilst ranting like a mad woman. I then note that draws to desk are crammed full of guess what....L.E.G.O..... so I go ape shit some more and pull the draws out onto the floor and accidentally breaking one in the process as its to heavy *sigh* and fall's to the floor to quickly..SHIT!

I come into the lounge room, vacuum the floor back into a shag pile position while tears are streaming down my face. I absolutely hate loosing the plot! I hate the frustration I feel when it builds up......I hate screaming at my kids! I hate having to take drastic measures for things to get done! I would love for just one day to be free from the stupidity of it all.

Monday

had the special needs teacher from school ringing me to ask if Mario was getting sick as he was having a spack attack at her.....what the hell am I suppose to do? Seriously does she expect me to go to the school and pin my child against the wall or something?? Half an hour after the first phone call she rings me back to inform me that Mario is now better but Dad had set him off as he had a go on him on the weekend??!!! Yes its all dad and my fault. Joy of joy's, how dare we chastise him for being naughty!

Tuesday

had teacher from Monday to ring me AGAIN and inform me that Mario was much better today to quote ' Good boy Mario is back again'. I was to shocked to say anything. I told the J man who wanted to know who Mario's parent was.

Wednesday

was a huge stepping stone as it was the first time I had let Dudie and Mario together come home on the school bus. I stood at the kitchen window with a lump in my throat praying to hell that Mario had gotten on the correct bus......and was over the moon when my boy's walked int he front door together giggling.

Thursday

saw nasty Tank come out to play....he had a ball hitting, kicking and screaming at me. I also rang the school and spoke with Mario's headmaster about the Monday/Tuesday phone call's. Said headmaster was fantastic and made me feel better that I had actually called him and discussed it.

Hello Friday

On top of Mario being...well Mario...Tank has decided to be verbally loud, throwing 3 cars at my head today and grunting, yelling and screaming at Mini me and me. I thought having him sleep in out bed again might help with his anger but nope.....its actually worse then before.*pass Vodka in my direction now please*

If this is what I have to look forward to for Autism month, I want out NOW!!!!!!

Tooth fairy - smoo fairy

Today was a day that made me proud.

A day were my little man showed me, with no words just how brave and courageous he is.

Today we went to the dentist.

It wasn't for a check up...oh how I wish. It was to remove baby teeth as his adult teeth had grown behind them.

Now having 2 set's of teeth may seem appealing for some....let me tell you its the biggest pain in the rectal area! Keeping them clean and plaque free is a nightmare let alone trying to get in there and floss between each tooth...now times this by 20 as anxiety levels hit roof high when hands come near ones mouth as this would mean there would be 'touching' involved and invading someones personal space.

As we parked our car Mario seemed a pasty shade of white. He commented to me that he was scared and clung to his cardboard DS he had made himself last night. I promised him that if he was brave and let the dentist look and maybe even remove the offending, over welcomed baby teeth that a trip to MacDonalds maybe in order. Yes bribery I know but hey a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

The dentist was extremely comforting and accommodating to Mario's needs and questions. Explaining, showing and allowing him to touch item's that would be in contact with him. We really couldn't have asked for better support of care.

I sat on the sidelines, watching helplessly. Wanting them to stop when I noticed his feet and fingers twitching in fear but wanting them to take those disgusting little buggers out at the same time.

Of course Mario thought he was Mr Cool once a pair of sunglasses were placed on his face and the chair was 'extremely comfy mama'. Seeing the red numbing paste being placed on him gum area and hearing him tell the Denist that it tasted like garbage saw us stiffening giggles....and then hearing him say his gum was now in a weird dimension didn't help....then the needle came out *gulp*. I couldn't look but at the same time I had too. His poor little hands were fiddling and moving erratically with nerves. Then just as I was about to get up to stroke his leg in comfort the gorgeous dental nurse starting humming lightly and simply placed her hand on his. The gesture bought tear's to my eyes as it was something so simple yet so massive for him. Instantly his feet stopped tapping and a calm was reached.
2 minutes later and 2 small little teeth were placed into a clear pocket with glitter stars for the tooth fairy and we were on a way with a new toothbrush.

I could have kissed those 2 woman! They made something so stressful almost beautiful.

Mario was told me firmly that his teeth are not to be put under his pillow tonight for the tooth fairy but tomorrow night so he can take them to school tomorrow and show his friends.
BUT most off he wants to show his big brother when he gets back from camp tomorrow night as he wants to show him the big green $100 note that the tooth fairy is going to leave him....hmmmm keep wishing boy cause those thing's are as rare as hen's teeth in this house :)

Walking into the wall

Just as things were going smashingly......Mario was settled again, life was nice and peaceful (ok as peaceful as it can be with 4 amigo's) we hit the wall of doom!!!!!!

Dudie had a school friend over saturday night so he was here most of the weekend. Mario and Bowreguard took it upon themselves to make him their new toy. Bowreguard used him as a climbing gym and chatted the poor boy's ear off the entire time...and when she was busy Mario was busy playing prank's (new past time) on him.

Pranks would include

- Hiding friends sleep attire for the night
- shooting said friend with his Nerf gun and then blaming it on Bowreguard
- pretending to fart on him whilst playing the PS2
- jumping on the blow up mattress friend was taking his night sleep on at midnight to see if he was still wake.

Sunday lunch saw me taking dudie and his friend home without Mario knowing. From sunday night onwards its been melt down city.
Yesterday afternoon saw Mario screaming at us all in an unknown dialect of jibberish. Man of the house get's frustrated and start's yelling back in his own censored jibberish...which cause's Tank to start screaming....Bowreguard begin's crying and Dudie run's for cover.
I am sitting as you can gather, in the corner rocking back and forth, back and forth......looook at the prettttyyyy coloursssssss.

I start cleaning my sewing area as this is what one does when anxiety hit's a lovely high along with blood pressure pulsating my temples. Man of the house starts his censored jibberish again, this time at me and i just stand there, stone faced and say...nothing. I dont have the energy to expalin, the same shit, every weekend to him.

I walk outside..to were Mario is sitting on the tramp, arm's folded and just grab him, look at him and tell him harshly it wasnt appropriate to talk to man of the house that way and he needs to apologise. Apologies done...we move on.

Tea time comes and we're not hungry....I have to go to the toilet (to spit food out) Man of the house goes to start up again and I give him the look....along with the code of silence. Message was received and he commenced doing the dishes. Spa bath mat is found and placed into bath....some salt put in (find this helps Mario) and a little bubble bath and bango Mario is happy.

Fastforward to today.

School pick up.
I have told Mario and Dudie that if its raining I will pick them up from the school pick up round about and not on the street. Dudie remember's but poor Mario forgets, doesnt see car parked on the street and freaks right out. I had to run into the school (not a good look for bed hair and dressed in 'home' clothes) and grab him from the toilets were he has hidden himself so no one can hurt him. I get him to settle down..take him to the car were he informs he that he thought that I didnt love him any more.
Seem's that me not being in the usual spot means that I have decided to abandon him to never see him again. Yes heart was broken (mine)....and it was stress full for him, I felt like a broke record repeating that I loved him and would never leave him but he needed to hear it and I needed him to know how much he mean's to me.

It wasnt until we got home that he was totally settled...with thanks to the Mar's chocolate biscuits I had for him.

Now please hand me a scotch because dame it, its only Monday and I still have tuesday (dudie goes away for school camp), wednesday (PSG meeting at school), thursday (denist appointment) and friday (Bowreguard has a party to attend)to get him through...*gulp*

Diary of a Whimpy kid (insert eye roll HERE)

Dudie has become a book worm....and what Dudie does you can bet your bottom dollar Mario is 2 step's behind him.
Not that I mind the reading...no no no dont get me wrong. Reading is good for the soul, so much better then a hand held electronic game by far. Its when the reading crosses over and becomes a certain someone's new personality that drives me to the point of jumping into traffic.
I still dont remember how he came across the book's which have a written story and cartoon picture's in each novel. I was excited to say the least at the time he did discover them as Super nintendo Mario took a back seat for a while.
It became a tool of great use for a while there aswell.....Mario became quiet agressive toward's me, mentally and physically. I allowed myself to think out of the square and used this whimpy kid towards the good of the household. One leather bound diary was bought along with a special pen for 'downloading' what was going on in that brian of his. Of course page after page was written in the same contents as his hero BUT he was getting out via his creative bone. I must admit I felt extremely weird reading it the first time...a diary is personal and I really felt like I was treading into his private world BUT it helped me understand and help him find the calm he so needed.
This weekend while food shopping Mario found the DVD of the book and yes I am a sucker and cant say NO so it came home with us....and was promptly watched twice that day and again yesterday. Pleading with him to draw me a picture of himself he came up with the picture attatched, a picture of himself in the same pose as the character on the DVD. Mario then inform's me that the second movie is coming out end of the month....hmmmm thinking, thinking....I can use this to my advantage!!!!

I make a deal with him.

Mario - if you let me take you to the denist about your parana teeth I'll take you on a date to see the movie

thursday the 25th is dentist day....and now date night.

Hi....Im........

First post = introductions and explanations PLUS apologies in advance

I'm a busy work at home mum who is a slave to her business I need to let my creative mind wander every now and then.

Life is very different to the norm in the house. With 3 boys and 1 girl who fight, bitch and but most of all love each other which I plan to use my evil way's and share with the world their wackiness.

Eldest son is Dudie who turns 11 this year. We have began the passage to puberty and have decided we like the act of non speaking, moodiness and over exaggeration to get mum to jump.

Second eldest is Mario..who is the ripe old age of 9 going on 90. Mario wears a special bracelet on his wrist so that if something ever happens that 'those who know will know I'm autistic'. Our traits are blowing up, telling those around us when they are wrong and eating white foods.

Second youngest is Bowregaurd at the tender age of 4. Our day's consist of arguing with Mario about him being wrong, telling youngest 'to get out of my room' and always being hungry.

Baby of the bunch is Tank currently 3. We are non verbal at present bar the squeal's and NO NO NO. Toilets are for putting the cat's food in and mum's make up is for drawing pretty pictures on the stone effects wall in the kitchen.

Man of the house black sheep is currently a work-a-holic who often forgets he has a home to attend to. Lucky for him, we are forgiving and love him and his smelly feet

And then there is little old me.
The one the neighbours brand as not having taken her med's when she is screaming down the house. Sewing is my antidepressant...as well as music. My children are my life and by god I let them know how they make it spin for me. I have been known to suffer foot in mouth on quiet a few occasions, cant spell for knuckles, try to help when I can and tell you when your annoying me...but most of all I am ...well me.

So I will now take this opportunity to apologise for my potty mouth, my bluntness and any tears spilt, in advance.

I hope that through me, other's can see that autism isn't a sickness or disability...its life for us, just in a different colour to youres

With a hand full of sunshine
x-maz-x